Tuesday, May 23, 2006

#001 Ring, Ring! Hello, it's God calling...
Originally posted on MySpace on Thursday, February 23, 2006

I've decided that it'd be nice to start a series about my experiences going to seminary in Germany and stuff related to that. So, here goes...

Well, it all started a long time ago... (I'm baptised, I went to sunday school, got my first communion, and confirmation) actually, lemme start back in freshman year of high school. When i started freshman year, my parents were getting separated, and i basically thought that church was for "old-people" and didn't want to go because going to my parish, I'd primarily see adults and the elderly, but it was obvious that the youth who were there didn't really want to be there.

However, in my freshman year, i met this girl Denise who was really deeply religious, and catholic, and that got me thinking about whether or not my belief that church was for "old-people" was true. I decided to "give God a chance". Shortly after deciding to give God a chance, summer rolled around and my mom signed me up for some volunteer work at the parish. My parish decided (for the first and last time) to setup a summer day camp for little kids, and they needed my help taking care of the little kids.

So I did the summer camp thing, and after we were done (towards the end of the summer), the summer camp director invited me to join the parish english youth group, seeing as that most of the other volunteers had been members of the english youth group. Since I was still in my "give God a chance" mode, I agreed and started going to the meetings.

At the first meeting, the group discussed that we were trying to fundraise some money to help those of the group who were going to be going on a pilgrimage to Israel the next March. I decided to sign up for the trip, and so I began doing A LOT of fundraising, seeing as how i had no job and only the money that I fundraised would be my source of payment for the trip (my parents couldn't afford paying for my trip).

However, one of the conditions for going to the trip was to attend these adult lectures, aka catechesis, at my parish. I was indifferent, so I agreed to go and started going. The catecheses were pretty interesting and they attracted my attention. Afterward, there was this sort of retreat, and I agreed to continue going to this group, aka a Neocatechumenal Community. I already knew about the Neocatechumenal Communities because my mom had entered one about two years before i entered.

So March 2000 rolls around and we go to Israel for a week-long pilgrimage. I had to ask my high school for permission to miss a whole week of school and everything, but since my teachers could only report positive things about me, the high school gave me permission. The pilgrimage was GREAT! We travelled around on a bus, seeing all these cool places, like the house of St. Peter, ruins of the city of Capernaum, our hostel had a GREAT view of the sea of galilee, etc. on friday the 24th(?) rolls around and we all go to meet the pope for the vigil and the mass the next morning. It was REALLY cool. The pope said some really insightful things in his homily (although i can remember none of them at the moment). Afterwards, after many of the people had left, Kiko Arguello, the initiator of the Neocatechumenal Way came out. He spoke to encourage those listening in their beliefs. Then, he told everybody to sit down and said (in italian), "if any young male (ragazzo), feels that God is calling him to the priesthood, may he stand up, and come forward [to the stage/platform] to receive a blessing." It was interesting, sitting there watching all these guys stand up and go forward to the platform. Meanwhile, i was sitting there (on the ground) thinking, "maybe I'll think about it in a few years". But God had other things in mind.

A few days later, we were having this eucharist at the shrine that was erected on the site of where (supposedly) the angels appeared to the shepherds to announce that Jesus was born... and the gospel was the one where Jesus enters the temple and starts throwing the tables around and whipping people (cool reading, huh? and we always think of Jesus as being peaceful and a pacifist)... and the priest was explaining in the homily that the reading is referring to the fact that we "sell" ourselves so cheaply... looking for a little bit of love... that we sometimes give ourselves away for free to the first person who comes along... ... and it was EXACTLY what was happenning in my life at the moment... I was DESPERATELY looking for a girlfriend... and then... all of a sudden... you know how, when you're thinking to yourself, you start having these conversations with yourself?... well, all of a sudden, I "heard" a voice in my head say something, that I'm sure didn't come from me. The "voice" said:

"If you have the love of Jesus Christ, you don't need the love of a girl."

That touched me SO deeply, that all of a sudden, for that one moment, I felt the presence of God touching me... (this'll sound silly, but) kind of as if God was pointing at me with his finger, but his finger was so big that it was all around me, or rather, I was inside his finger... not that I saw anything of the sort, but that's what it felt like... like when they show in movies that a skylight opens and rays of sunshine illuminate the person (usually accompanied by the sound-effect of an "Haleluya"), except without the sound effect ;-) and the rays of the sun were God's finger... ... that was the most dramatic God-experience I've ever had... i did the ONLY thing i COULD do: CRY MY EYES OUT... I can barely remember the rest of the mass because I just couldn't stop crying... at the end of the mass, the priest asked that anyone who had felt the calling to the priesthood, regardless of whether they had already stood up the few days before or not, to stand up... i stood up.
I've never regretted standing up. I've regretted lots of other things I've done in my life, mistakes I've made, people I've hurt, but NEVER having stood up for the priesthood. ... I mean, don't take me wrong, but that doesn't mean I want to become a priest. I'm still trying to sort out whether I'm ready to abandon myself to God or not, but that's a COMPLETELY different story.

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